Well the shockwaves from Brexit have reached these shores with every TV channel now abandoning the Donald and Hilary circus and focusing on the UK. The main big news channels here appear to have dedicated themselves to reporting every move and every word coming from the Donald and Hilary but today there is only one thing on the screens and it is the Brexit earthquake rocking Europe and, possibly the world.

We had a lovely tour of this interesting city on the St Lawrence River today starting with what is almost another city underground zis ‘Otel. You see winters here are harsh – temperatures can get down to minus 40 below. Now that is a tad cold you must admit and so they had the good sense, when the Metro was built in the 70’s, to create this enormous network of underground passageways which lead from the subway and convention centre right up to hotel lobbies, apartment lobbies, buildings where large companies conduct business etc etc. There is over 30km of these passageways linking the Metro with buildings. If you are very fortunate, when the snow has reached a depth which makes it impossible to open the garage door unless you also own a snowcat (the average snowfall here in winter is 300 cm), and if you live in one of these apartment buildings, you may be able to reach the subway via your local passageway, get off and arrive at your place of work via another one. The tour guide today suggested we should return in October to witness the magnificent fall colours and then again at Christmas to see the amazing Christmas tree they erect in the underground shopping centre we visited this morning! Having been in Banff many years ago at the end of December and the temperature being -29 degrees, I can tell you ve vill not be returning at that time of year!  The tour ended with a visit to the magnificent Notre Dame Basilica.

This city, along with many others in Canada is French through and through. For all intents and purposes you could be in the centre of France so I feel very at home here. However, the difference here is that it is a truly bilingual place – everyone speaks at least French and English. So zat is very helpful ven you need to order ze baguette with jambon and fromage!

Now you just will not believe this (well you might actually!) We have just had a nice dinner with the group and the Tour Guide (Shane – that isn’t me – I didn’t get the job!) gave a little talk about BATHROOMS. Can you belieeeeeve it? He even gave out notes about all sorts of things and one whole section on ze bathrooms. It says “Your biggest challenge on this holiday (besides not eating too much great food) will be to figure out how to turn on your BATHROOM taps. You may have to twist knobs, push buttons or turn dials (stomping your feet does not help!) If all else fails, just contact reception.” Then he goes on to give a talk about the fact that we are staying in ‘otels which are old Chateaus and, although beautiful, ze plumbing is not! Oh heaven forbid – how did zis ‘appen?? I will keep you posted on ze problems viz ze bathrooms. I am now regretting not sending Vern on a plumbing course at Bassett Plumbing! Tomorrow we set off for Quebec and the mysteries of ze bathroom at Le Chateau Frontenac. I will phone ahead and ask that they leave the “Bathroom for Dummies” manual on our bed.

And a very early 7.15 am arrival to greet the day in a drizzly Montreal. Can you belieeeeve it? We had to go to the $1 shop and get two plastic ponchos because the raincoats were in the bag at the ‘Otel. Fortunately the rain stopped and we didn’t have to run around like two vacuum packed Kiwis! It has been a long night, day, night, day and we are a little tired.  I want to tell you something because I know you are all concerned about ze bathrooms. You see I told you that Trip Advisor had advised that it would be no problem at all and we don’t expect it will be because they are clean and relatively “normal” by Kiwi standards BUT the first set of bathrooms you come to after Immigration at LAX (where everyone who has been crammed onto an Air NZ 12 hour flight suddenly has the urge to “go”) has only THREE cubicles in the Women’s. One of these is for “Disabled” BUT the disabled cubicle is locked if you please! There are 14 of us in the queue and, I can tell you that by the time it was my turn I was almost disabled myself. Now this isn’t funny at all because it is very obvious that disabled passengers are not expected to have the need to use the bathroom on a Tuesday! Unbelieeeevable! Do you think this is one of the “Donald’s” brilliant ideas along with building the wall and shipping all the Mexicans back home? So needless to say, the one in charge of the “B’s” had a long wait for me because the Men’s bathroom on that concourse had been better planned and, clearly, no men are disabled are they?

Next stop was to go for a walk in the fresh air BUT 999 taxis are roaring around all the terminal buildings and we only wished we had thought to pack some of that canned Kiwi air that is being shipped out of our clean land because the air we were breathing sure as heck wasn’t fresh. We decided we needed a drink – not sure why because I sure as the sky is blue wasn’t going back to that bathroom with the 2 cubicles and the locked one. We found a little place and saw on the board “Smoothies – strawberry and chocolate”. The one in charge of the B’s seats himself down because it now seems that I am in charge of food and drink as well. So I go to the counter. The sweet lass says “Hi therrrrre Mam, what would you like?” I order two strawberry smoothies. “Sorry Mam, we got no binanarrrrs.” I tell her I didn’t want a binanarrrrr smoothie, I wanted STRAWBERRY (for Pete’s sake they aren’t even on offer according to the menu). “Yes Mam but we outa binanarrrrs”. It now seems certain I have “KIWI IDIOT” tattooed on my forehead because I am finding this very hard to comprehend. “If you wanna strawberry one it means it will only have strawberries in it!”  Oh heaven forbid – I wished to heck we had decided on a Sprite!

So now we are in Montreal recovering from all this stress and we have only been away from home about 36 hours. We met two women from Dunedin that will be on our tour and there was a very long limous-i-n-e waiting to bring us to the ‘Otel. All good. Tomorrow we will take it easy and stay out of trouble in readiness for the excitement to follow! Well, zat is ze plan anyway.

Well dear friends and family – we are about to hit the road again with liftoff taking place 9.45 pm Tuesday 21 June. This time we are headed to the land of maple syrup, followed by the land where Donald and Hilary have the entire nation captured in their antics, followed by the bright lights of Las Vegas, the searing heat of the Grand Canyon, the beauty of the Canadian Rockies and then as far north as Santa’s house in the Arctic Circle. So you will all sympathise with the extreme stress of exactly what to pack to cover off temperatures which climate change has made very challenging! At present the pile of clothes is looking like we might need a shipping container. However, I know as soon as the boss and I have the meeting to decide what goes and what stays, what makes the cut will likely fit into a toilet bag. Well…… not quite!

Anyway, we have had the meeting to resume our previous responsibilities. I am sure you remember the drill – HE is in charge of the B’s (bags and the blonde!) SHE is in charge of the P’s (passports and paperwork). I think this is extremely fair. He gets to drag two cases and 45 kg, which some of you may think is pretty one-sided. But I have to deal with grumpy immigration clerks and customs officials. This requires tact and lots of Kiwi smiles I can tell you. I understand that Vern’s job requires muscle but he will cope – of that I have no doubt because it is either that or we run around naked for 10 weeks and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, which you would prefer if it were you.

So dear friends, we will keep you posted of our travels. You will know from past trips that there are challenges along the way we will undoubtedly overcome – as we have in the past. You may remember the bathrooms of Italy and France! I have spent time studying the bathrooms of North America and I am confident the challenges in that department will be minimal but I will keep you updated on that because we may find that Trip Advisor is wrong! I have had a quick refresher course in French to ensure we can still greet people at any time of the day with a smile and a greeting and we can still order two baguettes with ham and cheese when we are starving. All good. Au Revoir for now. You will hear from us at the next pit stop – Montreal.