We arrived in Budapest, capital of Hungary, around lunchtime on Sunday and checked into our hotel on a hot 35 degree day. The Marriott hotel was lovely with a view of the Danube from our room and, at first glance, the bathroom looked very simple and manageable. But…….. on checking it a little more thoroughly we discovered the lowest toilet you have seen in all your life. Honestly, it was about 30 cm off the floor – now I am not going to go into detail about this but just picture yourself getting off that and you will understand that attending a gym class is entirely necessary!

Our first glimpse of Budapest on our trip from the airport was of many apartment buildings in need of maintenance and we have since heard from our tour guide that these buildings are remnants of the Communist Regime which ended in 1989. There are some beautiful buildings too and it appears that a lot of work has started on repairing and refurbishing those along with monuments, parks and city squares. Perhaps the EU is assisting in bringing this city back to life. Our boat, the Scenic Jewel, is on the Buda side of the Danube and we were fortunate to have our cabin looking out to the Danube and directly over to the beautiful Parliament Buildings on the Pest side of the city. As night falls, these buildings and bridges are lit up spectacularly and they are truly a sight to see.

Our city tour from the boat was interesting taking us to both sides of this city, firstly up the hill to the Citadel monument giving magnificent views to all parts of the city, Liberty Bridge, Elizabeth Bridge, past the Opera House which is being refurbished and on to City Park – a lovely park with a Church, Agricultural Museum, playground, lake and the Escritor Anonymus Statue where, legend has it, if you rub the pen you have good luck. The one in charge of the B’s tells me “go rub that pen” so I did – top, bottom, back, front – I got it all covered! Good luck coming our way!

All this sightseeing was followed by a visit to a small concert hall in a lovely building which is part of a school for visually impaired students. The treat was a short piano and organ recital by one of Budapest’s famous pianists, a Professor of Music called Csaba Kiraly and a pure genius on the piano and organ. It was wonderful.

This afternoon we have had a safety drill – we knew it was happening. It just entails climbing the stairs up to the top deck, putting on a life jacket (properly) and lining up where you are supposed to so that your cabin number can be checked. Interesting! Some people must have thought we were going to get a cocktail up there whilst clipping up the jacket and checking the whistle so they came dressed for it – very high heels, handbags, long dresses and jewellery that glimmered in the sun – then it seemed that photos were more important than safety training so they had to strike a pose and the ones taking the photo took 10 to be sure, to be sure! Heaven forbid – I thought the boss was going to burst a foofoo valve in frustration!

On Tuesday evening we were invited to dine with four other guests, ze Captain, Hotel Manager and Tour Director and a five-course dinner was served with wines especially chosen by ze Captain who was also proud to tell us that the main course was NZ lamb and delicious it was! As you can imagine, we desperately needed the five courses but it would definitely help the problem of the shrinking clothes if they were all bowls of lettuce! I have made myself feel a tincy bit better but doing ten laps of the upper deck this morning in the sunshine which equates to 1.5 km. The trouble is I need to add about another 50 laps to soak up the calories. The boss decided it was more important to read the world news to keep up-to-date with what Boris and Donald have tweeted in the past 24 hours! By the way – all the Australians we have met absolutely love Jacinda and want her cloned so she can run Australia too!

Now as I write this we have a free day as we sail up the Danube (which isn’t blue!) towards Vienna. We have this morning gone through Bratislava in Slovakia and we are now in Austria and arrive in Vienna at 4 pm – 272 km from Budapest which takes this boat 22 hours at 14 km/ph. We will also go through 68 locks during this two-week cruise up the Danube and joining the Rhine at Wiesbaden. The one in charge of the B’s (also boats) is on the verandah enjoying the view as we pass some very long barges being pushed up the river. It is a beautiful scene as we pass people fishing from little inlets, children playing on small beaches, pretty bushlands, little villages and other riverboats with people waving at us and we at them. Then we came to an area near Vienna where there are tiny cottages – maybe little fishing huts or baches and then I report to the boss, who is quietly reading, that I am sure some of these people are wandering around without the clothes. Now maybe I need to go to Specsavers, but I am sure this is the case so I am thinking that maybe their clothes may have shrunk like ours have and they have abandoned them! The boss announces that we won’t be following this example. Then, just as I was recovering from seeing these naked men on the sideline the Austrian Military sent about ten small boats in a line up the river at great speed past our boat – what is this about? There is never a dull moment sitting on this verandah! Around 4 pm this lovely boat glides into Vienna and we have an early dinner because the treat tonight is a classical concert at the Palais Lichtenstein and we all set off at 7.15 pm to this beautiful venue and are greeted in the magnificent foyer with a glass of champagne. The concert was an absolute treat not to be missed with nine wonderful musicians from the Vienna Imperial Orchestra and a soprano, a tenor and a ballet duo. We sat in the most breathtaking concert hall in the Palais to listen to this musical feast and it was amazing.

This morning there was no sleep in because we had to depart at 8.15 am for a city tour of Vienna followed by a special visit to the Spanish Riding School here – a very famous riding school dating back to 1735 and featuring the famous Lippizaner white horses. The principal horses are away on holiday but the baby horses were on show along with some others and they were wonderful to see. It was a hot day here in Vienna at 35 degrees and the one in charge of the B’s (seems that means the blonde as well!) was looking after me – hat, umbrella, cold Kathmandu necktie etc etc. All good and that is ‘ow we cope with ze temperature at present which global warming seems to have thrust upon uz just when ve don’t need it! My minder looks after me which is good because the Lime are here as well and every so often he grabs my arm to stop me being flattened by ze German Lime! I tell you – these things have invaded the entire world. I thought it was Phil’s problem to solve in Auckland but all his mates in every city are trying to solve the same problem.

By the way – you will all be extremely relieved to know zat ze bathroom on zis boat is like a Kiwi bathroom and no “Bathroom for Dummies” manual required and we can work everyzing without calling the engineer on zis boat! Oh what relief. I can put the Rescue Remedy back in the suitcase!

And so we sail on up the Danube hoping that global warming will deliver rain so that this boat can carry on!

We awoke this morning tied up beside the little village of Durnstein, Austria and, as our departure was 10 am we got up for an early breakfast and took a walk to discover this beautiful but tiny village where the apricot trees flourish and the vineyards are planted on steep slopes reminding us of the Cinque Terre in Italy. Now we are back onboard and sailing up the river past campers enjoying the sunshine and very long barges being pushed upstream.

Auf Wiedersehen

Bonjour from the little harbour of Honfleur

Before we left Rouen we walked with a group to see a light show projected onto the exterior of the 12th century cathedral. It started at 11 pm because it doesn’t get dark here until around 10.30 pm and was the most spectacular light display we have ever seen.

Monday morning saw us arrive in the medieval town of Honfleur at the end of the Seine where the river flows into the English Channel. This long boat had to come through the entrance of the tiny harbour which was 110 feet wide. Having got through the entrance the 110 m long boat had to turn around to reverse further down the tiny pier to get to its berth – this was rather a tight manoeuvre. We went up onto the top deck to watch all of this and to my surprise no one was on the bridge! Holy Moly! Then we noticed ze Captain and First Officer were actually driving the boat from a little station on the edge of the port side – the local Pilot was also onboard so all was well – they didn’t need my help! As you can imagine, the one in charge of the B’s (not ze boat) was very intrigued with all this manoeuvring and also all the yachts in the harbour.

Eventually we were alongside our berth at 9.30 am and we set off for the walking tour in beautiful Honfleur which dates back to Renaissance times with quaint tiny lanes and an ancient wooden Church of St Catherine. Many artists resided here, and still do, and there are galleries everywhere. It is beautiful and after our walk we came back to the boat to eat again (because zat is what you do – several times a day!)

Then a short rest to prepare to go off the boat to a local residence for Sundowners and then back for dinner. Heaven forbid – we thought we might need to do a short marathon before afternoon tea time so we can fit into the clothes for this little adventure. We all set off in three buses for a short ride out of Honfleur to visit this cider Manoir which had a very large orchard of apple trees for the cider, cherry trees and a paddock where there was a little family of charolais cows. They also produced Calvados – now if you have tried Calvados you will know that it has a reputation for killing anything inside of you. The boss enjoyed the cider, enjoyed the calvados and then was chosen to assist a very good magician do a trick by tying a rope around this guy and then to tie knots before holding a black booth around him to escape. It was quite hilarious as the French guy ended up calling the boss “Vin” and he wanted Vin to do various ties and knots wiz ze rope and Vin was getting the translation a little mixed up (perhaps not helped by the Calvados he had just enjoyed!) I had the cider and thought I just had to taste a tincy bit of the Calvados whereupon I almost choked and if anyone had lit a match I would have been breathing fire! It took me about 10 minutes to cool down after that little episode but it didn’t seem to have any effect on Vin!

The good news is every tap, lever, button, disco light and faucet is working in the bathroom department and that in itself is cause for celebration!

After the sombreness of the battlefields in northern Normandy last night we were invited to dine at the small restaurant on this Scenic Gem called l’Amour with a group of guests. It was a really great night with a special chef explaining what he had spent the day cooking for uz (and we hoped he had chosen everything with zero calories but it didn’t appear to work out zat way!) It all started with a lovely champagne mixed with a little limoncello and lavender followed by hors d’ouevres, white asparagus soup, duck breast with a lovely jus and vegetables and several desserts plus a lot of laughs and entertainment by the waiters. Following dinner we went onto the top deck to watch the Captain sail this very long boat out of Honfleur’s tiny harbour and this morning we awoke in Caudebec en Caux. This morning’s excursion was to Fecamp, about a 40-minute drive passing small farms with the pale charolais cows and the Normandy cows with the distinctive brown circles around their eyes, just like sun glasses. We drove on past areas of pretty bushlands on windy roads up into the highlands crossing the Pay de Caux. The countryside is picturesque, the sun is shining, the farmers are tending their crops and the houses are a mix of new and very old and colourful flowers are blooming everywhere. Magnifique and on we go to Fecamp and the Benedictine Monastery where the monks are making ze cider in readiness for owa visit! Of course we need this because it is 10 am! Heaven forbid!

We pass the oldest tree in France dating back to 911 in the village of Allouville. Personally, I can hardly believe this when we are trying to keep alive the olive trees at Pauanui and it will be a miracle if they last 11 years let alone over 900! This area is primarily agricultural (as is much of Normandy and it gets quite a lot of rain). The soil is rich and there are large areas growing flax for linen. In fact 50% of the linen production comes from Normandy and the area has been known for its textiles for centuries. The crop of flax can only be planted in the same place every two years because it drains the soil of minerals so other crops are planted in alternate years. They are developing new materials to replace some plastics from the flax being harvested now. After it is cut, dried and baled it is sent to Italy and China to make into linen. In this windy and wet area the apple trees for the cider grow well and it is also known for its cider. In Normandy you don’t see the sunflowers and lavender of Provence or the vineyards of the Loire or Burgundy, Bordeaux or Chateneuf du Pape so the scenery is different from our other visits here. We get to the beautiful Benedictine Monastery and have the tour, view the magnificent artefacts and artworks and go to the distillery to watch the just three employees (not monks!) distilling the special Benedictine liqueur from its 27 plants and spices and taking up to 2 years to make. Brandy is added during the final blending. Then it is onto the tasting – not as strong as the calvados (which they say kills everything but ensures you live ze long life) but quite strong just the same! Oh the things you do in France at 10 am! Then we set off in ze bus which just fits down some of these little cobbled streets – sometimes we all need to breathe in so it can fit! We are on our way back to the boat because it is time to eat again and we leave Caudebec-en-Caux for Vernon so the Vernon is very ‘appy sitting on ze bed watching the Tour de France before it will be time for ze ‘appy hour and to eat yet again – tonight’s invite is at the Table la Rive and another special degustation put together by another chef for a selected ten of us! C’est la vie!

We pulled alongside the pier in Vernon around 1 am and voila – this morning there are three boats tied up together but luckily the Gem arrived first so our neighbours have to climb through our boat to get to shore! This morning our tour director organised for the group to travel just 5 km up the road to Giverny and to be the first group allowed into Monet’s beautiful garden. We were here six years ago with the zillions that arrive later in the day so it was very special and rare to be the only ones here and to walk peacefully through the entire garden before the hoards are allowed in. The display of thousands of beautiful flowers was just magnificent at every turn and we popped into the Monet house before the queues and then walked up the road to Monet’s gravesite. Giverny is a very small place with just 400 inhabitants – it is pretty and the houses have lovely gardens but the rest of the world arrives on their doorstep every day! It was then back to ze boat for ze lunch and then the other boats untied themselves from our boat and slipped aside so that we could drift out peacefully down the river to La Roche Guyon where tonight we go to a classical concert at Chateau de la Roche Guyon, the grounds of which are adjacent to where this long boat will be tied up for a few hours and then we leave for Conflans. Vunderful!

The concert was truly magical with four musicians playing in a room in the Chateau which had been the dining room and where the acoustics were excellent.

We are currently sailing quietly back up the Seine towards Paris having left Conflans-Sainte-Honorine just after lunch. The one in charge of the B’s went on an excursion to Chantilly Castle which was a mini Versailles and he enjoyed that. He had expected to visit the well known Chantilly horse racing track, stables and museum next to the Castle but time was too short on the day. But he did come home with all the money he went with so that is good!!! I had a walk across the road to the tiny village. It is a warm sunny day and we are expected to arrive in Paris around 9 pm. It is the Captain’s Gala Dinner tonight and we are all wearing our No 1s for the first time. Our berth is quite near the Eiffel Tower. Tomorrow morning a group of us are going shopping with the chef from ze boat to a market to buy products to come back and make a picnic lunch with – magnifique!

We depart Paris on Sunday morning to fly to Budapest where we board the Scenic Jewel to sail from Budapest to Amsterdam over the following two weeks. Our time in beautiful France is coming to an end but there are more adventures to come. We should have done research on the bathrooms in Hungary and the Netherlands but we simply have not had time so it is slightly possible more challenges await us.

Au Revoir from the Seine

The Somme

On Saturday we travelled two hours north west of Rouen passing vast agricultural and farming areas producing large crops of canola, sugar beets, potatoes and wheat. We drove on through the village of Neufchâtel en Bray which is famous for the heart shaped cheeses it makes and past big wind farms eventually arriving at the area of France where the Battle of the Somme took place between the French and British Empire against the Germans. In the four months from July to November 1916 1.2 million men lost their lives. There were thousands of Australian soldiers who fought here and in the town of Peronne, which suffered heavy shelling and was almost completely razed to the ground during this battle, the town was rebuilt with the help of the Australian soldiers. The people of Melbourne also assisted in building a school here and in the playground of that school there is a large sign “Remember Australia”. The school hall has photos and memorabilia of the Australians and all around the town there are references to Australia – street names, business names, kangaroo signs etc. We visited the John Monash Memorial and magnificent museum honouring the Australian soldiers and then drove on to the Thiepval Memorial – a huge monument where the names of the thousands of soldiers whose bodies were never found are engraved on the sides of the monument. Beyond that is a cemetery with French graves on one side and the graves of the British Empire soldiers on the other. It was here that we found two Kiwi graves and several Coleman names on the lists of the missing.

All around this vast area of Normandy there are cemeteries honouring the brave men who fought and lost their lives in the First World War. It is sobering and sad to walk among the graves and think of these young men who left their homes and families to go and fight for freedom, hoping to return but never doing so. So many empty chairs. Because this part of Normandy, like so many other places in the area, is an agricultural and farming area they are still finding remains of some of the missing soldiers as ground is dug and things that can be identified are brought to the surface so occasionally a name is removed from the list of the missing and another white cross takes it place in these cemeteries.

The little red poppies grow wildly here at the sides of the road, among the wheat in the fields and remind us of why we wear them on Anzac Day – “They shall not grow old as we that are left grow old, age shall not weary them nor the years condemn, at the going down of the sun and in the morning we shall remember them.” The heartening thing we see here in Normandy is that everyone does indeed remember them.

D-Day Landing and Omaha Beach

6 June 1944

Yesterday we made a trip from beautiful Honfleur travelling west about 120 km arriving at Arromanches where the first-ever prefabricated harbour was created by the British. It was Churchill’s brainchild and was named Port Winston – seventeen old ships crossed the English Channel and were sunk by their crew to create a first shelter. This was followed by 115 football sized cement blocks which were towed across the English Channel and sunk. The result was a four mile long breakwater 1.5 miles offshore. Then seven floating steel pier heads were set up and linked to the shore by long floating roads made of concrete pontoons so that 54,000 vehicles, 326,000 troops and 110,000 tons of goods could be delivered securing an Allied toehold on Normandy. Eleven months later Hitler was dead and the war was over. You have probably seen this in various recent movies. You actually wonder how they ever kept this whole operation under wraps because it took a couple of years to prepare all of this. We watched a short movie at the Museum and explored the little village where the lampposts are decorated with banners of some of the war heroes. Our bus hardly fits down some of these little narrow cobbled streets. We then went on to Omaha Beach to visit the Memorial set on the beach there, just one of four of the D-Day Landing beaches with the others being Utah, Sword, Gold and Juno. Our guide was extremely knowledgeable and told us stories so that we could picture every scene.

Our final stop was to the American Military Cemetery where there is a beautiful garden surrounded by a long wall recording names of more than 100,000 missing soldiers and further on 9000 graves in the most beautiful setting with surrounding memorials and gardens and a little Chapel above Omaha Beach. The thousands of white crosses leave you almost speechless and a tissue or two is required as people walk quietly reflecting on the immense loss of life and praying that these terrible wars never ever happen again. There is a fitting quotation on a large wall “Think not only of their passing but remember the glory of their spirit”

Bonjour

We arrived in Paris on a lovely day and were collected for our transfer to the hotel in the centre of this magnificent city – BUT it was pure madness on the roads – unbelieeeevable actually and we inched our way (in contrast to our trip to Berlin with ze lady taxi driver) to the hotel with the driver selecting Jazz for us to listen to and the first tune was “Georgia on my mind!” Perfect because all the grandkids are on our minds and we miss them. The one in charge of the B’s was very ‘appy because he found the Tour de France on the TV in our beautiful ‘Otel room so we decided on a cuppa to recover from the traffic and watch the last 40 km of the tour while we rested. Today the Tour is riding the mountain Ballon d’Alsace and finishing in Belfort which is the exact same course Vern rode when he competed in the Age Group Triathlon World Champs in Belfort in 2013 and got 10th in his age group so it brings back special memories.

There is a major problem with the bathroom though which is causing a little stress – I see there are some scales in there and I am praying to all the saints and the angels that they are broken or that they are so complicated to use that we simply cannot figure it out! Now there actually is another problem with ze bathroom and I tried to sort it and called for help from the one in charge of the B’s (which, when all said and done, should also be ze bathroom shouldn’t it?) and he spent 10 minutes also turning all levers – four of them if you please – in all directions and the result was we had a river of water coming from the dinner plate on the ceiling, the handheld shower AND the tap filling the bath – none of which was warm. Eventually, we gave up and I had a lukewarm shower with water spouting from absolutely everywhere – unbelieeeeevable! This ‘Otel needs to write a manual pronto before the next Kiwis arrive ‘ere! The boss is recovering from this ordeal by watching all TV channels in all languages so clearly he is now multi-lingual which, if he had told me this, would have been very handy to know at ze hospital in Wittenberg last Saturday!

We also had another minor issue when we were going out to find dinner tonight. We noticed that there was an elevator just outside our room which we hadn’t arrived in. Very handy we thought so we pressed the button, got in and the numbers were all a bit different but we thought we had pressed the lobby – no such luck – we ended up in the kitchen in the bowels of the hotel and then, in trying to escape in a big hurry before we were caught we opened a door into a private function where people were enjoying cocktails and, seeing a sign for Exit very quickly made our way through the group trying desperately not to be noticed! And we have only been here about 3 hours!!

Well, we are now on board the Scenic Gem – you can Google the boat and it is really beautiful. We have unpacked and checked the water level and all is well. I have had a problem with ze water though – in the bathroom which will not surprise you but honestly, if you look at this photo would you be able to work this out. I did a little washing and put it in the shower to rinse it. I bent over and turned the little handle at the bottom which looked simple – but the problem was that there are three shower roses on this blimmin thing. One is at the top, one is on the flexible hose and you hold it and I had not seen the one in the middle which sprays your nether regions I suspect. Well, you can guess the problem – I bent over into the shower and got that one right in the face because I had not even seen it. So our Serbian cabin attendant came to visit just after this episode and just after I had soaked up the water all over the bathroom. I asked him for a lesson – he and I went into the shower and he was all confident about the workings of this thing. However, he had not seen the shower rose for the nether regions either and when he turned it on he got it in the side of the head and was soaked! Then he tried all the other buttons and there was water coming from everywhere. So the lesson ended with me making notes – you push these for that and that for this and God only knows how you get the water spraying at you from the centre but ve don’t vant zat! I am thinking I will write to President Macron and perhaps Bridget might have some spare time to write a manual! And now we have discovered that you can get coloured lights as you shower – Fire, Ice etc – a discotheque ze shower! Is this a new French thing?

The Lime scooters are here in Gay Paree and they are trying to mingle with a zillion bicycles, two zillion vehicles and many zillion pedestrians, sirens, horns and impatient people and I can tell you for sure it is crazy and I don’t know even one swear word in French.

The riverboat left Paris as we were enjoying the dinner – what was three courses on Viking has gone to five on the Gem! (The scales worked by the way but the news was not so bad!) We were ecstatic that this beautiful boat is actually moving so we came back from dinner and sat on our verandah as the boat glided peacefully out of Paris. People were enjoying friendly gatherings on lots of houseboats tied up along the Seine and they were all waving at us and we at them. We passed under bridges and through locks and arrived in Les Andelys at noon. Merveilleux!

Our sightseeing was a lovely drive passing wheat, sugar beet and potato fields, and plantations of rye, barley, canola and flax to Lyons la Foret, a little town dating back to the 12th Century and surrounded by the largest beech forest in Europe. After spending some time walking around this quaint little village in Normandy we visited Chateau Fleury la Foret and tasted some cider made on the property.

We sailed again around dinner time to arrive in Rouen, the capital of Normandy, where we are staying for two nights. This morning we have done a little walking tour of Rouen made famous by Joan of Arc who was executed here in 1431 and where, at the site of her execution a modern church has been built to honour her. We visited the very large Cathedral of Our Lady which dates back to 1250 and is a mix of Gothic and Renaissance architecture – there are over 800 classified historic buildings here including the oldest restaurant in France. This afternoon we rest on our little verandah and watch the cyclists passing by and the French ladies returning from the market – including ze Otel Manager on ze boat who has just ridden by with a case of peaches on the back of ‘is bike! The boss is happy because the Tour de France is on and yay – today it is in English! Tomorrow may well be a sombre day as we visit the battlefields. It is also Bastille Day here so we are thinking there may well be fireworks going off as we sip the champagne!

We finished our walking tour of Rouen by dropping into a few little French shops – as you do and I just happened upon a few things I liked (and the one in charge of the B’s liked them too and even picked one out for me) – and they had a sale at this little shop called Un Jour Ailleurs (which translates “Another Day”) so here on another day in France the bank manager spent a few Euros but only a few because there was a sale and if you bought two items you got another 20% on top of the 40% in ze sale! Voila!

Au Revoir – we are back onboard and it is time to eat – again!

Guten Tag

Today was our last day in Wittenberg (which is the town where Martin Luther built the first Lutheran Church) and we made a trip to Torgau – a little town on the banks of the Elbe River in Saxony north western Germany. This little town is known as the place where on 25 April 1945, at the end of the Second World War, Russian and USA forces first met. It is Sunday here and we got to the town square at 10 am and not one single soul was there. There were no cars on the roads, no people to be seen, no shops open and only the Church bells ringing in the distance. This is unusual – even in Pauanui in winter there are people buzzing around on a Sunday morning but in this sleepy little town no one is awake! It is cold today – 21 degrees but a cold wind is blowing and the Americans are huddled together – the two Kiwis aren’t!

To our great relief we have had no dramas today – no need to try to explain ze problems to ze people in white coats who speak no English. We leave this boat that went nowhere tomorrow morning so the one in charge of the B’s has just packed up the cases for early departure. All good until he found some of my clothes still in ze wardrobe which did not make ‘im too ‘appy! Well, I can’t remember everyzing because I am trying to work out ze papervork for ze next few days and complete ze Viking appraisal form which is asking everything from what we thought of the Maître D to what we thought of the guide four days ago and I am having trouble remembering what we did yesterday! Heaven forbid!

It is lovely being on this boat that has gone nowhere and there is a wonderful chef who gives a little dissertation each evening on what is going to be on the menu. The trouble is you get three courses and if you decide you only want one or two they look at you as if you have gone completely mad! I can tell you for sure if they don’t start offering three courses of carrot sticks we will have the same trouble we have had on every other trip with the clothes shrinking so much that we need to buy a whole new wardrobe!

So we made our way to Berlin by car actually because we had to check out the hospital system here – say no more other than we can report from the research we did that it is excellent when they can speak your language – unlike in Wittenberg on Saturday when a guy in the queue for the ED jumped out to interpret ze problem to ze nurse for me because no one – and I mean no one spoke English! Anyway – enough said on that subject. Our journey was interesting – especially when the lady driver was going at 140 km/h on the autobahn whilst driving with one hand and using her phone to Google the right word in English for something she wanted to tell Vern (whom, I might add, she insisted sit next to her in ze front!) At times she also grabbed a little piece of paper to write something on it like the year that something happened here in Germany whilst we raced on at lightning speed past wheat fields (which are not growing because there has been a drought here for 18 months) and villages. I was sitting in the back thinking my heart my also need to be checked in ze hospital when we get there!

Today we went out on a four hour sightseeing tour around Berlin which was madness in itself because we had to constantly dodge the e-scooters (which just landed here about two weeks ago and are causing almost the entire population to scream loudly in protest) and also the bikes which are zooming around at a great rate of knots. I am thinking if we make it through this day without needing another visit to ze ‘ospital it will be a cause for celebration! What a great cultural and vibrant city with such an interesting history with a population of 3.2m. The reunification of east and west is evident in the number of new and architecturally different buildings from apartments to performing arts centres to office buildings. Of course we went to what remains of the Wall which is the East Side Gallery built by the Russians to keep their own people on their side. In 1990 this was painted by 118 artists from all over the world, Checkpoint Charlie, the Brandenburg Gate, the seat of Parliament, the Palaces, Opera House, Memorial to the Holocaust victims and saw where Angela works etc. Then in the afternoon we did a taste of Berlin with a local guide where we caught two buses and two trains to get to and from little chocolate shops, a brewery where we had the largest sausage I have seen in all my life, beer, coffee and cake, mustards, vinegars, oils, honeys and a shop selling “sweet mice” – an entire little shop just selling bags of lollies shaped like mice. The guide kept announcing “now ve vill just float over here to zis little shop and if you all just float in zis vay it should verk vell” so we just kept on floating! Vunderful! The day was rounded off wonderfully with our new American friends who were meeting another friend from their hometown of Muncie in Indianna for a meal at the Orange Katz and it was a very special farewell meal with them all. So now it is on to Gay Paree which is my favourite city and……. I am in charge of the P’s BUT the one in charge of the B’s is also in charge of ze bank so ‘e tells me so ve will see ‘ow zis goes! To my great stress he wants to write an instalment so I am guessing ‘e will tell you! Heaven forbid!

Well, the good news is that, for the first time in a long time, we are feeling positively youthful. The reason for this is that our group of mainly Americans are using enough walking sticks to build a Mai Mai and we have been told by many of them how long it is since they had their last knee or hip replacement or how long they are having to wait for one. The one thing we are not wanting to talk about on this holiday is health issues but we can see that many in the group have them but they are making the most of every day – like us!

There is so much history about Prague and the Czech Republic that we have found out about over recent days not least of which is that the Czechs consume more beer than anyone else in the world – 44 gallons per person per year! Now that is rather a lot of beer and it costs about $8 per half litre for Pilsner or 120 Czech Koruna. There is a zero alcohol tolerance here for drivers although there are bars on every corner but – now this is unbelievable – there is a “Beer Ambulance” which will deliver beer to you at your home or wherever you are partying or drinking if you are running out and this is to encourage you not to drive. Maybe you just collapse on the floor where you are and wake up the next morning and drive home! For goodness sakes – taking the beer to you! I forgot to tell you that you can’t get away from the Lime scooters and I can also report that there appears to be no speed limit on them here, no people limits, no helmets required, and they are zipping around at great speed all over the roads between the trams, buses and cars and people! The boss has, a few times, offered to double me on the Lime when I am wilting but honestly, can you imagine that sight! It would resemble Mickey Mouse and Minnie trying to skateboard! Most definitely will not happen and the travel insurance would not handle it. The other thing I need to report is that the shower cap over the big dinner plate in the shower did fill with cold water – that is all I will say!

The population of Prague is 1.2 million and it was interesting to find out that Czechoslovakia was under Communist Rule from 1948 when a Communist Coup overthrew the Government. The Soviets ruled here until 1989 (that coincidentally was when the Berlin Wall came down). At that time this Republic was known as Czechoslovakia but in 1993 it broke up into Slovakia and the Czech Republic each having their own Government, currency and language. The Czech Republic has been a member of the EU since 2004 but still predominantly uses its own currency – the Czech Koruna. They have not made the transition to the Euro although a few places will accept it. The economy is driven by car manufacture (Skoda), tourism, some manufacturing and agriculture (although the Govt has made the farmers replace some crops with Canola for biofuel so from the air all you can see are vast areas of Canola growing). They say they have a problem in Prague with Russians purchasing a lot of real estate and hence the prices have risen for locals to rent or buy in the city – does that sound familiar?

After visiting the Jewish Quarter we left Prague yesterday to travel to Dresden crossing the border into northern Germany. We visited two synagogues and the oldest Jewish Town Hall in Europe. We then travelled to the Bastai which is a rock formation towering 194 metres absolutely vertically above the Elbe River in the Saxon Switzerland National Park. The lady in charge of the “P”s did a walk along many bridges to view the river and the rock formations (and Pappy went to the bar to sample the local lager!!!!). We then drove on to Dresden passing many wheat, sunflower, corn, canola and flower fields on the way to reach the land where the house roofs are extremely steep, the traditional lace net curtains decorate all the windows and the beautiful window boxes have colourful displays of geraniums.

So here we are now comfortably ensconced on the riverboat docked in Dresden and going nowhere – but very comfortable it is. Actuallly, it has become a houseboat!! We were greeted warmly by the crew who were lined up to welcome us aboard and very soon the glass of champagne was in the hand and we were introduced to ze captain, ze first officer and Uncle Tom Cobbly and all! As has to be ze case, you ‘ave to do ze safety briefing and be shown ‘ow to use ze life jacket – really! So as we sip the champagne and eat the nibbles we are told to blow on ze whistle if necessary BUT we are going nowhere because we have also found out that if we need to jump overboard we will likely injure ourselves badly because ze water is about 80 cm deep! Heaven forbid! Then they demonstrate the “Abandon Ship” siren but we are told if this does sound then take your time, finish your drink and go ashore! If we have to, we will be able to walk right across the river, Right – we have taken note of all the safety measures which gives us a great deal of comfort as you can imagine and will ensure we sleep well tonight. The ‘Otel Manager also gave a presentation telling us that the front desk is manned all the time 24/7 to take care of our problems except when no one is there! Our lovely cabin has a balcony and the little water there is in this Elbe River is flowing past very quickly this morning as are hundreds of people cycling to work on the other side of the river while the sun shines brightly and we prepare to go and explore Dresden, then have a little cruise on a paddle steamer and then a classical concert at the Zwinger Palace tonight. It’s a tough life as you can imagine and the one in charge of the B’s is coping well as long as the one in charge of the P’s does not ruffle his feathers! We have just returned from a morning’s sightseeing in Dresden including a visit to the Staatliche Museum which has a huge collection of the most magnificent and remarkable treasures including the Dresden Green Diamond – a 41 carat green diamond dating back to 1768. We have become experts at visiting International Museums, but this truly is the very best museum we have ever seen (and its pretty tough to beat the Smithsonian in Washington).

A little raft has just come by playing loud music – it is a beer raft and the few people on it are having a BBQ, beers and music and they are all waving madly to me as ze aroma of ze German sausage is wafting from ze BBQ! Tomorrow we move to Wittenberg to board another boat for three nights so although we aren’t sailing anywhere we are staying on ze boat which is very comfortable and ve are still seeing everything ve came to see so life can’t be bad!

Well – we ‘av arrived on ze new boat on the Elbe in Wittenberg, Germany – which thankfully is absolutely identical to the other boat and we have the same stateroom number and all is well and……. so far we can work the bathroom out which is a miracle in itself and absolutely cause for celebration as those who have followed our bathroom dramas over the years would understand! Why didn’t some clever inventor come up with a way to standardise bathrooms – or write a “Bathrooms for Dummies” manual to get us out of all the fixes we have encountered in our travels? The good news is, we didn’t have to have the safety briefing again because, as you know, zis boat is going nowhere!

We travelled via Meissen passing vineyards on the sides of very steep hills rich in minerals giving the wine special properties and visited the porcelain china factory where we did the most interesting tour to see how this magnificent china – known as Dresden china is made. Their famous trademark is the two blue crossed swords. It is the largest porcelain china factory in Europe and dates back to 1710. It was then onto Wittenberg via Leipzig. So now we are in the land of ze schnitzel and sauerkraut and ze BIG beer steins! Vunderful! We are onboard this boat for three days and then it is on to Berlin. It was the last day of the school year here yesterday and much celebration for the children. Vern went up to the Square and saw dozens of children carrying colourful balloons which they all let go of to rise into the sky. Apparently the biggest tradition here for the last day of school is that the children are given a sweet cone which is full of lollies – and then the teachers send them home to their folks!

It is Saturday here and I had cause to catch a taxi – an experience in itself. Taxi man spoke not one word of English – I spoke not one word of ze German and he drove like an absolute madman to ze destination, which luckily for me ze ‘Otel Manager here on ze boat explained to him! I don’t know what the urgency was but I think he thought he was in the Monaco Grand Prix – unbelievable!

Auf Wiedersehen till next time

We landed in this beautiful city on Friday afternoon and, after recovering from a long trip, did a quick walk along the river close to the hotel to admire the picturesque buildings either side of the river and the many bridges crossing it. Saturday saw us trying to get a little more organised after studying what we must see here. The day started with a minor problem for me in the bathroom, or, to be more specific, the shower. You are not surprised I know! The thing is, I told the boss that the night before, when I eventually figured out the options in the shower, that I had stood in front of the shower rose on the pole but got constantly dripped on by very cold water from the dinner plate rose on the ceiling! So, this morning I was all set for a quick shower before breakfast. The one in charge of the B’s (which I can tell you for certain does not include “bathrooms”) told me to pull the top silver gadget out hard and all would be well – well it wasn’t! I got drowned on top by a voracious current of water coming from that blimmin dinner plate on the ceiling giving me such a fright I spun around which made things even worse. The boss has since told me there was only one “drip” in the shower!!

With the list of sightseeing all prepared and the map in the bag the boss decides that the bag I am carrying is much too heavy which leads him to dismantle the contents and choose some things to go in the pockets of the cargo shorts he is wearing. By the time we get in the lift the shorts are looking like they are slipping a bit with the weight of the extra contents and I have visions of him standing in his underwear in front of St Nicholas on the Charles Bridge with the shorts down around the ankles!

On the agenda was the famous Charles Bridge which was built between 1357 and the beginning of the 15th Century under the auspices of Charles IV and crosses the Vltava River. We joined half the population of Prague plus many tourists to do the walk along the famous bridge to admire the magnificent buildings either side of the river, the castle on the hill and the saints whose statues are set out along the bridge. It really is quite a magnificent site and we were all set to visit St Nicholas. However, St Nicholas is getting a makeover (and he needs it – they all do but luckily for him he has been chosen to go first!) Therefore, there is scaffolding and netting protecting him while the work is being done so we could only acknowledge him in passing. Then it was down to the John Lennon Wall under the bridge which is just a normal wall but since the 1980’s it has become a graffiti tribute to John Lennon with lyrics from some of his songs.

We then decided that it would be good to go and visit the Infant Jesus at the little Carmelite Church of St Victorious. The Infant Jesus is a small wooden waxed statue dressed in a cloak. We had heard about this and wanted to see it so we sat on a seat on a very hot day under the plane trees to study the map and then set off with me in charge of the map (but not the map reading). We got a little way into the short walk and saw a group of nuns making their way hurriedly over a crossing so I told the boss that we must be on the right track for the Church where the Infant Jesus is waiting for our visit. He, on the other hand, is convinced the nuns are making their way on this extremely hot day to the pub just by the crossing and you know, I think he was right because they disappeared completely! Once again we stopped to study the map and the glasses came out of the bag and all would have been well had I not been holding that map upside down. Luckily the boss, who I must admit is better than I at mapreading and doing all these GPS things, realised quite quickly and averted a possible falling out before we even reached the Infant! We eventually made it to the beautiful little Church which resembles a miniature cathedral with magnificent artwork and gold decorated altar and side altars.

Sunday saw us doing a little cruise on the river to see Prague from a different perspective and it was beautiful – the buildings span a myriad of architectural styles and include castles and palaces in Romanesque and Gothic styles – there are arches, colonnades and towers everywhere – some capped in gold that shines brightly in the sun. You also need to constantly look up at these buildings because there are statues and sculptures sitting high on many of them. We then went to the National Museum to view two interesting exhibitions. One was called “The Knights of the Heaven” and is a tribute to more than 2000 Czechoslovak pilots who left here in 1939 and found their way to Britain where they joined the newly created Czech Squadron of the RAF. It was a wonderful and moving exhibition dedicated to fighter and bomber pilots, technicians and other aviation personnel in the RAF and the Women’s Auxiliary Air Force. It left a lump in my throat seeing all the photos of these pilots and reading some of their logs. The second exhibition was about the Celts.

It was 38 degrees here yesterday but we managed ourselves by walking on the shady sides of the streets and coming back here to the bar where I had a traditional Czech drink – puréed raspberries in homemade lemonade and the boss had a Pilsener – and they were large because, obviously we needed hydration and I can tell you I had a large straw in mine.

I have to report I had a brilliant idea to fix the drip in the shower – I have put a shower cap over the offending dinner plate shower rose. I just have to watch it doesn’t fill up with cold drips and collapse! Deary me!

Today has been another hot day and we did a walk down the river, over a bridge and back on the other side – all the while absolutely melting in the 35 degree heat but the good news is that this heat is dissipating we are told so it will cool down a little. The other good news is that we absolutely must be shedding kilos walking kilometres in this heat!! But then perhaps the thirst and the pastries are not helping that little problem! We are just off to a traditional folklore dinner – guess that won’t help the waistline either but when in Rome……